While I am a firm believer in living in the "Here and the now" there are situations when it is worthwhile to let our mind travel to other times. Our mind is a marvelous machine which allows us to soar to another space and time in an instant. We have a "library" of memories which can be accessed to create a myriad of emotions when convenient.

At one time or another we will all have to face difficult and unfortunate circumstances. Perhaps one of the most uncomfortable situations is dealing with the terminal illness of a loved one.

What do we say?

How can we help?

In this situation it is likely we already know what is coming and the prognosis. It is natural to ask:

How did all this start?

What did you feel?

What did you do?

These are common questions and although they may satisfy our curiosity, it isn't a line of questioning which will necessarily lead to a positive or valuable dialogue for the patient.

What value is there in rehashing the sickness and circumstances which they are facing?

In most cases, there is absolutely no value! Another way to manage the situation is to stimulate the mind to soar to more joyous and happy times. For example, we can ask, "Do you remember when we took that trip to the beach during Spring Break when we were in the university?" This and any other question starting with the phrase, "Do you remember when...?" will take us to another space and time. Our mind will begin to remember those times when we shared magical moments.

"This is simply skirting the inevitable!" you may say. I don't argue with the fact that living in the past is simply a way to forget about the present. My response is, "So what?"

Not everything in life is, "Cheery, jolly and bright." There are times which are challenging and uncomfortable. During these inevitable moments in life, it is preferable to travel to another time which allows us to smile and remember the beautiful moments we have lived rather than dwelling on the inevitable.

When we have to face the death of a loved one we can take one of two paths. One is to enter into a deep philosophical conversation about what awaits and the other is to paint a picture of what once was. While everything has its moment and there is a time and place to face the inevitable, in other circumstances we can be of support and assistance by creating images of how wonderful their spectacular journey we call life has been instead of feeding the fire of anguish over what is sure to come.